girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
