so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
