I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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