in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
why do cheetos always look like penises
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
