you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
