Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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