I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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