You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
