I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
