does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
