Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
