I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
