You made me cry and you don't even care
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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