I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
