My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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