I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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