i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
