apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
