I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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