he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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