You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
