my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
