so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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