it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
