I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
