tell your sister to shave her snatch
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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