pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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