ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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