They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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