you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
