ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
