at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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