matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
