Will you blow on my dice?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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