Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
