You just made me feel so damn special
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Olympian is in my bed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
