I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
