i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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