i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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