Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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