it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
