I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
