we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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