For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
