Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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