If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
