my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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