As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
