Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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