I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
