it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
